Domingo, 23 de noviembre de 2014

| 2013/05/25 00:00

Petro loves Clinton

We have many trancons, but we are working in the POT. Pot? You have some? I promise I won’t inhale!

Petro loves Clinton Foto: Guillermo Torres

La semana pasada, en las calles de Cartagena, Gustavo Petro condujo un taxi eléctrico con Bill Clinton a bordo mientras discutían cómo incorporar este tipo de carros en el sistema de transporte bogotano. La foto da fe de un encuentro histórico cuyos diálogos se desarrollaron en estos términos:

– Hello, Mr Clinton, I’m Gustavo Petro, the alcald of Bogotá. Welcome to Cartagening Hilton.

– ¿The what?

– (¡Llámenme al traductor del Distrito, que yo entiendo el inglés pero no lo hablo!).

– (Él renunció, señor alcalde).

– (Entonces a Navarro, para que traduzca: ¡rápido!).

– (Él también renunció; y además él no habla en inglés, solo en lenguas).

– (¡Entonces a García-Peña, el burgués: ¡pero ya!).

– (Él también renunció).

– (Entonces contraten de traductor a Asprilla, aunque no hable inglés).

– (Asprilla está inhabilitado, alcalde; defiéndase usted mientras contratamos a alguien: arranque, arranque).

– Hello, Mr Clinton: I am Petro. 

– Nice to meet you; I’m Bill Clinton. I’ve just visited Gabo and told him that I love him; and had some drinks with Albert Houses, John Table and some other journalists at ‘La vitrola’ (it was obscenely expensive, tough!!). Tonight I will go to a party with Salvo Basile, Poncho Rentería and Christian Bull. I became a Colombian alligator! A big Roy, as you call it!

– (Carajo, ¿dónde está el traductor, que no entiendo nada?).

– (Lo estamos trayendo de la Florida, nos están ayudando los que nos vendieron los compactadores).

– (Me lo traen ya, valga lo que valga, pero rápido).

– Is this your dog, mayor?

– Yes, Mr Clinton, this is the little bitch of my team: the perrita Bacatá.

– Oh! Nice! I worked with a bitch, too!

– Two or three, Mr Clinton?

– What?

– (¡El traductor!).

– (¡¿Pero cómo lo pagamos?!).

– (Que le haga una cuenta de cobro a Aguas de Bogotá…) Mr President: I manejar; tú, copilot. Ok? 

– Sounds great, mayor!

– Just call me Petro. 

– Sounds great, Petro!

– Cartagena, bad traffic. You come to Bogotá. Bogotá is good!

– ¿Do you have subway in Bogotá?

– Yes, Mr Clinton. And more restaurantes of fast food, like Mc Donalds. But I am going to estatalizer them.

– What about chiks in Bogotá, Petro?

– We have people very chic in Petro’s team, but the secretary of movility, Mrs Arrows, renuncied. And we have many trancons. But we are working in the new POT.

– Pot? You have some? I promise I wont inhale! You like pot, too?

– No, not two. Petro only have one pot. 

– But, are not you Petro?

– Yes, I am Petro. 

– So, why do you refer about yourself as Petro?

– Because Petro is Petro and the rest is lom. I am reinventing everything. For example, I give marihuana to bazuco’s addict. And I want to put prostitutes in the comercial centers.

– Really? Whores in malls? Sounds great! I wanna go shopping in Bogotá!

– We will put many plazoletas for adults and a ‘Rotonda de masajes’ in El Andino: a real Divercity!

– Nice! Happy ending included? 

– No, no happy, because the procurator is going to suspending Petro. I was very idiot voting for him.

– I was talking about blow job…

– Job? Talk with ‘Little priest’ Velásquez and other Uribe’s fans, like doctor Cute. I dont know Job.

– Mayor, why are those poor people cleaning the car’s glass?  

– Class? I promote the fight of classes! Like Chávez. Remember Chávez?

– Of course I remember Chávez, but I said glass…

– Do you know I invented the political of Love? I love everybody. I love you, I love Gabo. But I have matrimonial problems and I resulted with a big chichón. Do you love Hillary?

– Oh my god, a poor child had rapped my i-phone! Close the window, mayor! 

– Please say hello to Hillary, Bill.

– And those big boys are trying to pull out the car’s mirror, is that normal?

– They are cacos, wait. (Hermano: ¿los tipos que están violentando los espejos son funcionarios nuestros?).

– (Eran, alcalde, pero renunciaron).

– May be they are mafias of the contratation cartel.

– I want to get out of here! 

– Ok, but you own me 60.000 pesos, Mr Clinton.

– What???

– Is lo que marcó la Carrera, what the career scored. Pay me. 

– But this taxi is not yours! I was gonna donate it! And 60.000 is too much! Oh, I hit my forehead with the giant dice that hangs form the mirror!

– It is expensive because of the december cousin.

– But we are on May.

– Pay me or I punch you with the cruceta.

– Ok, ok, I pay you, but forget my Foundation help. I’ll sign against you, mayor! 

– Yanqui go home!

– (Alcalde: con sobrecostos y todo pero ya llegó el traductor de la Florida).

– (Tarde, ya se fue Clinton: pero traten de que el traductor me acepte la Secretaría de movility). 

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