25 mayo 2013

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Petro loves Clinton

Por Daniel Samper OspinaVer más artículos de este autor

OPINIÓNWe have many trancons, but we are working in the POT. Pot? You have some? I promise I won’t inhale!

Petro loves Clinton.

Foto: Guillermo Torres

La semana pasada, en las calles de Cartagena, Gustavo Petro condujo un taxi eléctrico con Bill Clinton a bordo mientras discutían cómo incorporar este tipo de carros en el sistema de transporte bogotano. La foto da fe de un encuentro histórico cuyos diálogos se desarrollaron en estos términos:<
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– Hello, Mr Clinton, I’m Gustavo Petro, the alcald of Bogotá. Welcome to Cartagening Hilton.
– ¿The what?
– (¡Llámenme al traductor del Distrito, que yo entiendo el inglés pero no lo hablo!).
– (Él renunció, señor alcalde).
– (Entonces a Navarro, para que traduzca: ¡rápido!).
– (Él también renunció; y además él no habla en inglés, solo en lenguas).
– (¡Entonces a García-Peña, el burgués: ¡pero ya!).
– (Él también renunció).
– (Entonces contraten de traductor a Asprilla, aunque no hable inglés).
– (Asprilla está inhabilitado, alcalde; defiéndase usted mientras contratamos a alguien: arranque, arranque).


– Hello, Mr Clinton: I am Petro. 
– Nice to meet you; I’m Bill Clinton. I’ve just visited Gabo and told him that I love him; and had some drinks with Albert Houses, John Table and some other journalists at ‘La vitrola’ (it was obscenely expensive, tough!!). Tonight I will go to a party with Salvo Basile, Poncho Rentería and Christian Bull. I became a Colombian alligator! A big Roy, as you call it!
– (Carajo, ¿dónde está el traductor, que no entiendo nada?).
– (Lo estamos trayendo de la Florida, nos están ayudando los que nos vendieron los compactadores).
– (Me lo traen ya, valga lo que valga, pero rápido).

– Is this your dog, mayor?
– Yes, Mr Clinton, this is the little bitch of my team: the perrita Bacatá.
– Oh! Nice! I worked with a bitch, too!
– Two or three, Mr Clinton?
– What?
– (¡El traductor!).
– (¡¿Pero cómo lo pagamos?!).
– (Que le haga una cuenta de cobro a Aguas de Bogotá…) Mr President: I manejar; tú, copilot. Ok? 
– Sounds great, mayor!
– Just call me Petro. 
– Sounds great, Petro!

– Cartagena, bad traffic. You come to Bogotá. Bogotá is good!
– ¿Do you have subway in Bogotá?
– Yes, Mr Clinton. And more restaurantes of fast food, like Mc Donalds. But I am going to estatalizer them.
– What about chiks in Bogotá, Petro?
– We have people very chic in Petro’s team, but the secretary of movility, Mrs Arrows, renuncied. And we have many trancons. But we are working in the new POT.
– Pot? You have some? I promise I wont inhale! You like pot, too?
– No, not two. Petro only have one pot. 
– But, are not you Petro?
– Yes, I am Petro. 
– So, why do you refer about yourself as Petro?
– Because Petro is Petro and the rest is lom. I am reinventing everything. For example, I give marihuana to bazuco’s addict. And I want to put prostitutes in the comercial centers.
– Really? Whores in malls? Sounds great! I wanna go shopping in Bogotá!
– We will put many plazoletas for adults and a ‘Rotonda de masajes’ in El Andino: a real Divercity!
– Nice! Happy ending included? 
– No, no happy, because the procurator is going to suspending Petro. I was very idiot voting for him.
– I was talking about blow job…

– Job? Talk with ‘Little priest’ Velásquez and other Uribe’s fans, like doctor Cute. I dont know Job.
– Mayor, why are those poor people cleaning the car’s glass?  
– Class? I promote the fight of classes! Like Chávez. Remember Chávez?
– Of course I remember Chávez, but I said glass…
– Do you know I invented the political of Love? I love everybody. I love you, I love Gabo. But I have matrimonial problems and I resulted with a big chichón. Do you love Hillary?

– Oh my god, a poor child had rapped my i-phone! Close the window, mayor! 
– Please say hello to Hillary, Bill.
– And those big boys are trying to pull out the car’s mirror, is that normal?
– They are cacos, wait. (Hermano: ¿los tipos que están violentando los espejos son funcionarios nuestros?).
– (Eran, alcalde, pero renunciaron).
– May be they are mafias of the contratation cartel.
– I want to get out of here! 

– Ok, but you own me 60.000 pesos, Mr Clinton.
– What???
– Is lo que marcó la Carrera, what the career scored. Pay me. 
– But this taxi is not yours! I was gonna donate it! And 60.000 is too much! Oh, I hit my forehead with the giant dice that hangs form the mirror!
– It is expensive because of the december cousin.
– But we are on May.
– Pay me or I punch you with the cruceta.
– Ok, ok, I pay you, but forget my Foundation help. I’ll sign against you, mayor! 
– Yanqui go home!
– (Alcalde: con sobrecostos y todo pero ya llegó el traductor de la Florida).
– (Tarde, ya se fue Clinton: pero traten de que el traductor me acepte la Secretaría de movility). 
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